Friday, September 9, 2011

Welcome to Maryvale...

14 years ago I moved to Phoenix without knowing a whole lot about the different areas. My mode of transportation was a Royal Blue 1970 Dodge Adventurer which had about 250 million miles on it. The engine had this quirky habit of bursting into flames without so much as a warning light, so for the first few days I stayed at a Motel 6 just of 51st Ave and the I-10, otherwise known as Maryvale. On the 3rd or 4th night I was awakened by what cursory experience as a Marine allowed me to identify as an Uzi going off for a full 2 minutes, just outside my motel room. 2 minutes doesn't sound like very long, but in Uzi-time, it's a while. I moved the next day.

Over the years I've found that most people who've spent a day or two in Maryvale have similar stories.

Today through the course of my day-job I found myself in Maryvale again and noticed that in an effort to improve the place they've taken to putting up signs that read: Welcome To Maryvale... A Vibrant Village!

I liked the signs. They were and colorful and kind of gutsy. Only a few of them were gang-tagged. However, I felt that perhaps they didn't capture the true spirit of Maryvale, so I've come up with some suggestions for an alternative slogan. City Council members please feel free to help yourselves.

1 - Welcome to Maryvale... On the other hand some of the prostitutes are women.

2 - Welcome to Maryvale... For your safety, please roll up your windows and lock your car doors.

3 - Welcome to Maryvale... Now (mostly) West Nile Virus free!

4 - Welcome to Maryvale... We don't know what that smell is, either.

5 - Welcome to Maryvale... Would you like to buy some crack?

6 - Welcome to Maryvale... DUCK!!!

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